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It’s been such a busy couple of weeks – I can scarcely believe that we are almost in June and with it the marking of H’s third birthday, which in itself seems a bit insane! Surely there’s been an error and he isn’t about to turn three!
Damian and I seem to have been passing each other – we have been busy with work, me with running and the gym, family things and just general life. We have been busy doing work in the house in preparation for the windows being replaced, and we have a lot more work to continue on too. It’s really easy to just continue ploughing through the to-do list, and not really spend time with each other.
I’ve talked before about the importance of making time for each other, and each Saturday evening is the night when Damian and I eat together (we usually eat with the children) and we share a bottle of wine and sit and talk. We might play a game, watch a film or simply just chat about the week that’s been and the week ahead. Talk through any of the issues we might have, be it concerns for family and friends or the things that the children are working on. Often it’s just time for us to sit and focus on each other without the distraction of the children, the washing up, the ironing or the cleaning.
Our Saturday evenings are really important to us – and we even go to the effort of putting on ‘nice’ clothes – not the jeans or shorts we have been wearing all week but a nice dress or, in Damian’s case a nice shirt. We enjoy sitting in the peaceful space in our dining room, lighting a candle and enjoying the quietness of the night. It’s a really important time for us to be together and just to chat through our week.
Talking to each other is really important to us both. It helps makes sure we are both apprecitative of the stresses and strains on each other, that we can help each other problem solve or just be a listening ear. I know other couples who meet with another person to chat through any issues they might be experiencing (and sites like BetterHelp.com are really good at helping your to locate someone near to you).
Damian generally chooses the set up of the night – one of us will choose the meal (usually a supermarket meal deal of a take away) and Damian cooks (or collects the take away) and sets the table etc whilst I get an hour in the bath. I find that when I’m running a lot like I am at the moment I can ache and having an hour to soak in the bath really eases any niggle I have. In the autumn months, I make sure we are stocked up on candles as I like the ambience that a couple of candles gives.
In the summer months, we might eat outside and enjoy the fresh air and reflect on the week that’s been. In the autumn once we’ve eaten we tend to move into the living room, set the woodburner off and work our way through a boxset on Netflix.
Having three young children, busy lives and interests that take us away and out of the house for hours a week means that making the time for each other in this way helps us to stay connected; it helps us to be better for the children and helps us.
