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Dating after divorce is always going to be difficult, but even more so in our modern era. Discover how to navigate modern dating, right here…
Dating in the modern era after going through a divorce is not going to be like it was when you first put yourself out there. These days, the picture looks a lot different, even for those who were dating 10 or 20 years ago. Now, a large majority of it happens online, so it’s a completely different ballpark.
Older dating online can be quite difficult when you’re used to a more personal approach, but it’s not impossible if you follow the right steps. Once you’ve been to a divorce solicitor and finalised your divorce, you’ll be part of this new dating age.
Today, we’re going to give a brief overview of how dating has changed in the modern era, so you can know what to expect. We’ll then share our tips for dating online post-divorce, and provide some alternatives for those who’d rather date via a more traditional route.
How Dating has Changed in the Modern Era
As someone who’s been married for a long time, it’s likely you’ve missed all of the modern trends in dating and are a bit out of the loop. The main reason things have changed so dramatically is because of huge advancements in technology. The internet, and the boom in smartphone technology over the past decade, has made our lives, and the way we date, much more convenient.
New dating sites and dating apps, have increased people’s choices and, in turn, they’ve become pickier and less open to looking for long-term relationships. However, older dating online is not as flaky, as it involves a generation who still remember what it’s like to date the old way. So, they are much more likely to look for long-term relationships over flings.
There used to be quite a stigma to finding a date online, but this has all but vanished now with apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge boasting huge numbers of users. In 2018, Tinder had over 57 million users which shows that phone apps are a popular way to date in the modern age.
Significantly less people over the age of 55 have a smartphones compared to younger age groups, so online dating sites might be a better starting point. Sites like ourtime.co.uk and eharmony.co.uk are great for older dating online and both have app versions for those of you who do own and use a smartphone.
A Quick Guide to Older Dating Online
Now we know why and how dating has changed, it’s time to tell you how to get started with older dating online. The steps you should take to find the kind of relationship you’re looking for include:
Step 1 – Make sure you’re ready
Whether it’s been a year since your divorce or ten, you might not know whether you’re ready for another relationship yet. If the very idea of dating is turning you off right now, then you’re probably not ready to start dating again.
That said, even if you do feel ready to get back on the horse, you might not know if you’re ready until you’ve actually started trying again. So, it’s probably a good idea to give it a go. If you don’t like it once you get started, you can always take a step back and try again once you figure out what it is you actually want.
Step 2 – Decide what you’re looking for
Once you’ve decided to give online dating a go, it’s important to work out what you want from the experience. Are you looking for casual hook-ups for now, with the potential for a long-term relationship if things go well? Are you not interested in short-term flings and you’d rather get into something long-term straight away?
Deciding what you want before you get stuck in will help you when looking online for a date. It will also help you craft a bio for your online profile that will attract those looking for the same end-goal as you.
Some of these new dating sites even have questionnaires you can fill out that help you decide what you’re looking for. Then, algorithms match you to people who want the same.
Step 3 – Get online
Once you’ve been through steps 1 and 2, it’s time to actually sign up to a website or app specifically geared to older dating online. With the vast array of divorced dating apps and sites, it’s important to do your research and decide which one is the best for you. Some of these sites are better suited for people looking for long-term relationships, and others for casual flings.
You can do a quick Google search for ‘free divorced dating sites’ or ‘free senior dating sites online’ and check the ‘About’ pages of the websites that come up. Or, you could find a list of the best-rated ones. If a Google search doesn’t give you the info you want, speak to some friends about any online dating sites they’ve been on and get their feedback.
Step 4 – Be yourself
This step should be quite easy, but it’s actually more difficult than it sounds. When you craft your profile try not to project a fake version of yourself, as you’ll end up dating people who want to date that version of you.
The best way to attract someone you’ll get on with, and stand out from the crowd, is to be authentically yourself. Be weird, write down your funny quirks and thoughts and any strange hobbies you have.
The more you can weed out those who aren’t suitable for you online by scaring away anyone who doesn’t like you for you, the more likely you’ll go on dates that you actually enjoy.
Step 5 – Don’t stay online, meet in person
Once you’ve had your first few matches and you’ve gotten to know them a bit online, take them out on a real date.
Dating online, even older dating online, can often stay online. You get comfortable chatting to a person and always feel like you need to know a little bit more before you meet them. Obviously, you don’t want to meet up with every guy or gal straight away, but it’s easy to be overly cautious and never actually set a date.
Relationships are often very different online than they are in person, so try not to waste too much time on someone you might have no chemistry with once you’re face to face. Don’t forget to be safe by meeting them in a crowded place and telling a friend where you’re going before you meet up.
Step 6 – Chemistry doesn’t always mean a long-term connection
Once you actually pluck up the courage to meet someone in real life (or IRL, as the kids say) you might find yourself falling head over heels, especially after years of marriage to one person.
Lust can easily trick you into getting attached to someone at an early stage in your relationship, as people think ‘feeling a spark’ is the most important thing. This isn’t really the smartest way to date if you’re looking for something meaningful, as the spark might burn bright and fizzle out.
Wait until you’ve met the person a few times before you decide you’re done with dating sites. Maybe even date a few people at a time to keep your options open.
Alternatives to Older Dating Online
Some of you might have read the above section and thought this is way too complicated, so you’d rather stick to the traditional way. Thankfully for you and others of your generation, there are still other ways to meet that don’t involve online dating.
Go to Places Where People are Willing to Talk
If you spend a lot of time at home, or a lot of time with your kids, find some time for yourself and go out into the world. Go to a bar or a pub with some friends or take a trip with them when you get the chance, and when you get the opportunity to talk to someone you might like, go for it.
Go to a Divorcee Meetup
If the idea of just going to places where potential mates might be seems too indirect and unpredictable, then expedite the process by going to a divorcee meetup.
Another way to use the internet outside dating online, is to look for meetups in your area for divorcees, singles, dating over 40, and meet people who are definitely looking for a relationship. There’s even a great site called meetup.com, where people arrange meetups for all sorts of things. It might be a good place to start if Google is giving you no luck.
Ask Around
If you haven’t tried it already, ask your friends or co-workers and see if they know anyone who’s looking to date. It might seem a little desperate but it’s no worse than going online and scrolling through a catalogue of potential partners.
The added benefit of this method is that friends of your friends, or of co-workers you get along with, will likely have things in common with you as you both get along with a mutual person.
Where Do You Go from Here?
In this post, we’ve given you an outline of what the modern dating scene is like, how you can get involved in older dating online, and shared a few alternatives if you’re not sure it’s for you.
Hopefully there’s enough here to get you started, but if you’re still not sure, give it some time and have a look at what’s out there. Remember, there’s no rush to get back into a relationship. If dating online doesn’t work for you, maybe it’s worth waiting for the right person to come along organically.
Thank you for reading this post, good luck, and we hope you find what you’re looking for!
