It can be a lonely and scary place swimming against the tide of opinion. Going out alone and standing up for what you think is right can be a hard thing to do, especially when it brings with it emotional ties such as your children. Before you read this post, it is important that I make it clear that this is in no way a rant against Health Visitors per se. I absolutely recognise that in many areas and for many families, the Health Visiting Service provides a really important function and source of information, advice and reassurance. I wrote this post to help others who might be thinking of opting out of the Health Visitor service.
My Situation
I sat down to write this post following my own recent experience with my local service since Emma was born. After becoming frustrated by my experiences, I posed a question on Twitter and Facebook along the lines of ‘Has anyone ever withdrawn from the health visiting service’ and was surprised and dismayed with the responses I received.
Being out on a limb and taking an unusual position is challenging, however one of my favourite sayings in life is ‘If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything’ and for me, my recent experiences have tested my own beliefs in what the service should be doing and has really affected me at home in terms of feeling anxious about the whole thing. This is not a good or healthy place to be in.
My Health Visitor Experience
When Daniel was born in 2012 the health visitor made contact and popped in for a chat. She was a bit too touchy-feely for my liking, but signposted me in the direction of various places I could go to for advice, gave me details of the local baby clinics and made arrangements to revisit some weeks later. On the second visit, we had a chat about how things were going and it was left at that. No more contact.
This is in the context of Daniel being my first child and arriving early due to me having pre-three-minuteeclampsia. Daniel was also extremely poorly in the first two weeks after birth and ended up back in the hospital for 3.5 days with one to one nursing care (they literally had a nurse staring at him in his incubator for 24 hours whilst they monitored him with lots of machines etc). It is absolutely not an exaggeration to say that had we not taken him into the hospital when we did, both my husband and I believe Daniel would have died.
Following numerous tests, it was diagnosed as a mystery virus and his weight plummeted. He was a small baby when born at 5lb 5 and his weight dropped to somewhere around 4lb 10 and took him until he was around seven weeks I think to get back to birth weight. He sat below the bottom centile line for a long time. At 20 months old his weight now sits between the bottom two lines. Even when he started gaining weight it was a slower than average gain.
Health Visitors – Second Time Around
Emma arrived on her due date, a straight forward birth and I was discharged that same day. There were issues around slow weight gain which I have blogged about and at the time I felt under enormous pressure from midwives and the health visitor. She was fine in all other ways, just gaining weight slowly, as her brother before her had done. I was referred (against mine and my husband’s better judgement) to the hospital. However, that appointment took six weeks to arrive, by which time her weight gain was fine so we cancelled the appointment.
Here is where things then start to go wrong.
The ‘red book’ provides a guideline for getting babies and small children weighed. Once a baby has regained his/her birth weight the recommendation, up until six months of age, is for them to be weighed no more than once a month. After six months it’s no more than every two months. There is no minimum guide.
Weighing Babies
With Daniel, I took him to the clinic to be weighed as and when I felt like it. He was clearly growing and meeting developmental milestones and frankly spending a morning queueing to get into a clinic didn’t seem like the most useful way to spend my day. I did not take him every month.
Now I have Emma, taking them both to the clinic is challenging. I simply cannot keep a close eye on my boisterous and energetic toddler whilst undressing Emma and getting her ready to be weighed. At the clinic there are lots of new babies and whilst Daniel wouldn’t purposely hurt them, there is a reality that at 20 months old he doesn’t understand how delicate newborns are.
My Health Visitor for Emma is someone new to me. And she is pestering me. She has visited the house three times (the last being around a month ago) and last week along, phoned me at least four times, left three messages and sent me a text message. The reason?
I’m a bad mother – I haven’t taken Emma to be weighed for six weeks.
Constant Contact
I was incensed when the text message I received Thursday afternoon suggested I was avoiding her calls – I wasn’t, although I am now. With two under two I rarely have my phone to hand, and if I do Daniel usually wanders off with it to (pretend to) call Grandma! And in any case, I simply cannot have a proper phone conversation with anyone whilst the children are around. When the kids are in bed, around 7 pm that is when generally catch up on text and phone messages. As I’m sure my parents, sister in law, friends and cousins will tell you, I am hopeless at replying. It’s nothing personal, I just sometimes never seem to get round to it.
The message from the Health Visitor also said she would pop in the next day at 12:30 to see me. An awful time to choose as that’s usually lunchtime then settling both children for a nap. In any event, I already had plans on Friday to sort out my new glasses and couldn’t guarantee when I would be home.
I sent a polite message saying I would plan to go to the weighing clinic on Tuesday (which is a three minute walk from my house). She then phoned again Friday morning and left a message which politely suggested that whilst I could go to the Tuesday morning clinic it might be better for me to go to the Thursday afternoon clinic in the next village that she was running. In any case, she would ‘check my file’ to make sure I’d been and then she still ‘needs’ to catch up with me so she’d let me know when you’d be popping in.
Trust the Mother
I am livid. Despite the issues Daniel had early on, my Health Visitor at the time recognised that I was more than capable of looking after him and helping him as he grew and developed. My new Health Visitor seems intent on making me engage with the health profession more than I want to. Emma does not have any medical issues. She does not have any identified developmental issues. At 17 weeks old she is doing all that she should be (and in some cases more). She is streets ahead of where Daniel was at a similar age in many respects. So why do I feel I am being bullied, coerced and harassed into complying with a system?
I took Emma to the clinic on Tuesday and will now be sending a letter to the local Health Visitor team and my GP to advise that I wish to withdraw from the local service, and should I have any problems I will access my GP, practice nurse or the Health Visiting team at the well-baby clinic.
Other People’s Experiences
What has been really interesting is that when I have posted stuff about this on Facebook and twitter a lot of people have replied with ‘ah, but they’re only doing their job’. That may well be the case, but it doesn’t mean that the job is right.
All too often people comply with these things because they feel compelled too. Society tells us we should do, and not to do so marks you out as a trouble maker.
That’s fine. I am already a bit wacky – I ‘wear’ my children, I don’t give them pureed baby foods,. Emma will be weaned as and when she shows signs of readiness and we will follow a ‘baby-led weaning’ process, as we did with Daniel. I do not recognise the notion of baby foods; only food that we all, as a family enjoy together. This is contrary to the information the local HV team provide. I have even offered to speak at weaning sessions about my own very recent experiences of weaning and how and why we chose the approach we did with Daniel and will follow with Emma. This was declined.
I use cloth nappies and wipes (despite one GP I saw saying Daniel would be much better off in disposables) and I routinely question what they are telling me.
I do not believe that my family Doctor or health Visitor knows me or my children better than I do.
Guided by Charts
When I am told I have to see my GP because my son and daughter do not match a chart in a book I lose all respect for the process. In my family, there are four females (my mum, auntie, me and my cousin). We all look different, different height, weight, skills and abilities. I would love to see the chart we all sit on. Same in my husbands family. Aside from physical facial features and hair colouring etc he and his siblings are all different builds, weights and heights and have very varied personalities. What charts do they fit on?
From my tweets on twitter, I had comments such as
‘Gosh, I can’t get to see a health visitor for love nor money’.
‘that’s such a shame, my health visitor is brilliant’
‘aren’t you worried you will be referred to Social Services’
It also seems that in some areas parents are told that it is mandatory to have their child weighed once a month. My response to that was what if I had returned to work after the mandatory two weeks of maternity leave? How would they MAKE me take Emma for weighing?
Interestingly in some areas, mums talk about a four-month check – this doesn’t exist in my area. Importantly the NHS website describes the health visitor role as:
A health visitor will usually visit you for the first time around 10 days after your baby is born. After that, you will see your health visitor at the child health clinic, although you can ask to see them at any time. If you’re bringing up a child on your own or struggling, your health visitor will probably come to see whether you need any help.
A health visitor is a qualified nurse who has had extra training. Part of their role is to help families avoid illness and stay healthy, especially families with babies and young children. Health visitors are members of a team that offers screening and developmental checks as part of the Healthy Child Programme.
Talk to your health visitor or a member of the team if you feel anxious, depressed or worried. They can give you advice and suggest where to find help. They may also be able to put you in touch with groups where you can meet other mothers.
Your health visitor can visit you at home, or you can see them at your child health clinic, GP surgery or health centre, depending on where they’re based. Your health visitor will make sure you’ve got their phone number.
My Health Visitor is going way above the role outlined by the NHS and forcing me to engage with the team is causing me undue stresses and hassle.
Repercussions?
Am I worried about the repercussions of formally withdrawing from the service? Perhaps but I’m confident in our parenting techniques and abilities. Until any welfare or developmental issues are raised to us then I absolutely refuse to continue to engage in the charade.
If I stand for nothing I will fall for anything. The time when my children are small is so fleeting that I do not, and will not, have that time marred and taken up by adhering to charts, tick lists and other peoples systems.
I’d be really interested to know what has been your experience of Health visitors? Have you decided to opt of the health visitor system? How did it make you feel?
Complicated Gorgeousness says
I once threw two health visitors out of my house. True story. My boy was getting tested for coeliac disease and the GP wanted a baseline weight. They came and told me his weight and height were fine and were super patronizing. Turns out my boy had coeliac disease, milk protein allergy and growth hormone problems. Trust your gut. We don’t always have good experience especially when things are not straightforward. My new one is lovely though. x #sharewithme
josandelson says
I had a similar bullying experience after birth of first child. He hadn’t put on his birthweight but was at low side of average doing ok. He was my husband’s 4th and the others are all big and healthy and much older. 2 x HV’s came around and started pressuring me to take him back to hosp – a week or two since birth – for monitoring. My husband chased them out of the house. On my own, I’d have been quite vulnerable and hormonal and unable to deal with it. As you say, one size doesn’t fit all, and they could see the baby was being looked after well and was born into a happy, healthy environment. I know they are trying to do their jobs, but many HV’s need proper training in seeing when a child is at risk and when they are just developing slowly but safely. Thanks for your post and hope you’re ok now. Incidentally, I had midwife who gave me mobile number for when I went into labour. When I called her, it went to voicemail with no other suggested numbers to call. She contacted me two weeks post birth to say she’d been on holiday. I think she said in the US but I pretty much hung up by then so don’t quite remember. xJo
Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) says
This is a really interesting post and I’m a bit surprised, and disappointed in the rections you’ve had form some people on facebook and twitter. I have had mixed experiences with HVs, the HV that came to our house with Monkey, Clare, was lovely and I was pleasantly surprised as I had concerns after hearing people who had had bad experiences with HVs.I had no problems until it was time for Monkey’s 1 year check and theHV who did that really put my back up and badgered us for a while about the fact that Monkey’s feet turned out slightly (because of her recommendation we went thrugh the rigmarole of hospital checks etc and as we thought, he is absolutely fine and she caused a lot of stress for nothing). I was concerned about Monkey’s 2 year check and what would happen then but the HV we had then was lovely and supportive. We have just had visits from Clare again now little miss has been born and she has been as lovely as she was 1st time round. I think unfortunately they are all so different and some of them clearly just go too far, which doesn’t help anyone. I think good for you for standing up for what you know is right for your kids and for opting out. You don’t need that added stress in your life! xx #sharewithme (Sorry for the long comment!)
Annie Kennedy says
This is a great post. My first HV shamed me for breastfeeding, BLW, cosleeping and not giving a dummy. She came to my house to weigh him every single day and told me he would be better on formula. He was losing weight as I had so much fluid via a drip in hospital. When my ebf baby didn’t poo for 3 days, she told me to give orange juice and water to him! I didn’t thankfully. I had PND and she made me feel ashamed.
I don’t want one this time and your post has reinforced my decision, thank you.
Sarah Burns says
I am sorry to read that you have had a bad experience, but glad that my post helped you. x
Mackenzie says
Absolutely massively good for you. Some people I know have been really happy with their health visitors, but all the interactions I have had with them have been not just unhelpful but actually downright destructive. After my first baby came, my health visitor told me off for not eating cakes (my not eating sugar has nothing to do with my children) because apparently eating cakes and biscuits is the only way to produce a proper amount of milk for my daughter (start ’em young, hey?) I was also advised twice to start bottle feeding because the girls weren’t gaining weight according to the made-up chart in the red book. Both were healthy looking, pink and satisfied. I’m not usually a person who struggles to stand up for myself, but they catch you at a very vulnerable time. I think, very often, people are better off trusting their own instincts and listening to the women in their communities than taking the HV advice.
My second health visitor was also very pushy, and always came at a time when I could have caught up on some massively needed sleep. I felt obligated to see her, even though she would stay for over an hour and we would have nothing to show for it. I finally withdrew from the system and will not engage with a HV next time either. They should be offered as an optional service and their advice clearly shown as just one person’s opinion.
Again, good for you for standing up for what you believe in and not being bullied into something you don’t agree with!
Lifeloveanddirtydishes says
Wow. What a pushy HV.
Like you I believe they have their place, but above anything their job is to reassure mums, not make them stress.
I have had so many conflicting advice from different HV’s. With my first I hung off their every word and stressed about things they said. With my second I am more confident, I trust my instincts. I’ve only taken my second to be weighed three times and he is 7 months old. I was there practically every week with my first!
You are right in that you know your children better then anyone. Stand up for what you believe is right, and don’t let them stress you out.
#sharewithme
Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork says
I really feel for you – nobody should have their parenting ability questioned this way (which is what your HV’s pestering amounts to). I’d be livid as well, in your position.
I live in Italy and although the pediatric healthcare system is a little different, I can relate to what you say. I rarely agree with anything my pediatrician says! It’s not that I think she’s incompetent or anything, but we have a completely different approach to everything. I also reserve the right not to do what she says if I don’t think it’s right for my son. For example, the big thing in Milan is to “treat” coughs with nebulisers and drugs. Strong drugs which in the UK are only prescribed for asthma. I think it’s bonkers (my son does not have asthma) and I won’t do it, but my Italian mum friends are appalled I would go against the doctor’s advice. I think what people need to realise is that parenting really is all shades of grey, and you ought to be able to pick and choose what suits your own family. It does make you feel a bit lonely though, doesn’t it!
Loving life with little ones says
It is a shame you feel bullied and they are being quite pushy about seeing you and your daughter, I thought that they were there if you needed them and for the routine checks etc, I understand why they are doing what they are doing especially in the wake of some recent incidents in the press but it does seem a little pushy in your instance eg suggesting you attend a clinic on a certain day. Our health visitor team is there for the normal checks and appts and doesn’t really bother us in between. #sharewithme
Sarah Doyle says
thank you – I think I just ended up with an overly cautious one to be honest. The HV I had with my son was much more relaxed! x
Jenny @ Let's Talk Mommy says
I am so sorry you haven’t had an easy experience. Interesting post though. I am also surprised the reactions you got on facebook and twitter. Always great to stand up for what you believe in though no matter what others think or feel if its not right for you then its not right. Thanks for linking up to Share With me #sharewithme
Sarah Doyle says
thank you Jenny. x
Susanne Remic (@Ghostwritermumm) says
My eldest child was slow to gain weight too and I had two health visitors at the time. One was great- congratulated me on breastfeeding and told me to continue as I was as although she was small and gaining weight slowly she was obviously thriving. The other HV told me I needed to wake her for formula feeds and start weaning before 6 months… we went with our instincts but we did agree to monitor her weight at the clinic. This was for as much my own peace of mind than anything else. When my son was born I struggled massively to come to terms with his traumatic birth and he suffered with severe reflux too so the health visitior was a wonderful support for me. She the retired so since then the health visiting team has been random and patchy. I saw one of them perhap 2 ot 3 times with my 3rd and have just met another one as my youngest is 2 weeks old. THis baby was IUGR and already has weight issues so I’ve been advised strongly to come along to clinic as much as I can. But again for my peace of mind I need to know she’s ok as I’ve had a really stressful pregnancy and I want to know she is growing well. BUT I don’t feel pressured to go and no new mum should. The health visiting service can be invaluable to many families but each and every time that I have felt I don’t really ‘need’ them they have always agreed. i have never been hounded and never made to feel I should be doing something I felt unnecessary. So while I personally would not withdraw, I do understand your reasons for doing so. And in a way i have also done the same, although not officially. If that makes sense?! I’d be interested to hear their response x x
Sarah Doyle says
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I never actually heard back from them, other than I had a call from my GP to ask me to take Emma to them for a check up, which I declined as there is nothing wrong with her. I still get her weighed at the clinic and I am sure I will get the invite for her 1 year check in due course. x
Jenny says
Good on you, it’s an optional service and you shouldn’t need to engage more than you want to. I find our local health visitors quite patronising and get unduly worried about weight. I got in touch with our dietician for O myself as the HV’s weren’t doing anything about it and the low weight turned out to be dairy and gluten intolerance. I especially disliked the HV I had for A last year (fortunately retired now), she realised quickly that I would do things my way and visited twice, I haven’t had him weighed since 4 months (came for a weaning talk and was more interested in the fact my toddler wasn’t toilet trained!!) he’s now 14months. If I am worried about anything we go to the Dr’s. If I was concerned about weight I would go to the clinic. Like you we babyled weaned, baby wear and also practice co-sleeping and wear cloth nappies, so we would often get disapproving looks. Good on you sticking to your guns. 🙂 xx
Sarah Doyle says
thank you, it is hard to go against the tide isn’t it. I too tend to just head to the GP is anything wrong. xx
nadnod2019 says
A very interesting blog. My recent and only experience. HV appeared nice at first. What I think now, is my judgement was clouded by hormones, euphoria and lack of sleep, ha ha. Should I have been in the state I am in now, I would have behaved differently.
I now think she was patronising, coercive and even bullying.
Asked me and my husband lots of questions and filled out lots of forms. Weighed the baby. Ok, all fine. Gave some advice. But, let’s say she asks me if I know about this, that or the other and I say I do, I have been on these websites etc. she will continue to tell more about it. Do I want this? – No, thank you. – Ok, I will leave it anyway in case you change your mind. Or if I said No to something, say things like ‘I am not trying to make you do this, but blah blah blah’. Why don’t I come to the weigh in clinic? Well, we have a scales at home and we can work out the charts in the book with three degrees between us. Also proudly introduced herself as a long term la leche league member, she was pushing that agenda down my throat even though I was breastfeeding anyway, but made me feel like I could and should do better!
Got a real hump when we told her we saw a private consultant (behind her back), who diagnosed cow milk protein intolerance: ‘there was no such thing when I had my kids, but what do I know about it…’. Well, a lot has changed since the 70s!
Baby was upset once, so husband was rocking him to calm him down (one of his jobs in the early days when I was in pain) when she was filling out some endless forms – and kept telling me to feed him, even though he was already fed and would not get the message to clear off, just sat there writing and asking questions when all I wanted to do is to tell her to go – should have really, but I was too polite.
Had no issue seeing her despite all this for the initial several visits as baby was slow in gaining weight but all fine since then.
When I politely declined her 12 months visit, boy did she try to bully me into it in! Would not take no for an answer.
I only contacted their service once with a question, I was told by whoever answered the phone to go to the GP, not HV (who was no there) because they cannot answer “HEALTH” questions. Fair enough, never had any other questions.
To sum it up, did I get anything useful out of it? Apart from reassurance about the weight initially – nope. Just stress of a long visit when I could have been sleeping or chilling with the baby. Having to wake the baby up every time. Being examined like a cow with udders and shown how to breastfeed properly (even though baby latched out lovely from the start, as noted on discharge notes, and I was shown it very well in hospital and had a comfortable position – but no, of course her position is better, of course I can and should do better again). Not everyone has tons of milk from the start with the first baby, don’t these people get it?
The icing on the cake came later. We moved. A few weeks ago old HV booked us an appointment for the 2 year check up without even asking (got a text). I called to say that we moved and of course gave them the forwarding address. New area HV contacts, I politely decline, she persists to say that they visit all new families and want to say hello to the baby, I keep saying we have no concerns, I am busy working and cannot see that I need any advice, know the area well etc. then she reveals that the previous HV told them they had concerns about my partner’s “controlling behaviour”! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Just because he was there at every visit (an involved hands on dad), asking questions, answering questions and expressing his opinion (which I specifically asked him to do because I am not the best chatterbox when tired)? Perhaps that was an opinion of hers, but not one I was ever aware of, and if she was THAT worried about me, the poor victim, then why not talk to me first? Why slander someone’s name with what could be interpreted as domestic abuse just like that? To think I let someone in the house and around the baby was to give them the greatest level of trust, and then this. Just makes me feel angry and offended on behalf of my husband as well, who deserves the medal for being the best dad (he was not happy about it either but he is more laid back). Sorry about the rant, but I feel like I have been taken advantage of a little bit as a vulnerable first time mother. Like I said to the HV who called, I did not complain but perhaps I should have. I appreciate their job is to make sure mother and baby are ok, and I am happy to oblige but this is my experience.
Elizabeth says
I can so relate to this and hope someone can give me some advice. I have an 11 month old son. All was good at start midwives discharged to health visitor no problem. At start I did have low mood and made mistake to mention it to health visitor. She booked me into these extra visits. Although the only thing is she knew we had a German Shepherd and my partner walked him whilst she visited as she was afraid of dogs. During this time I was very vulnerable and she would be very patronising. Talking about a cobweb in the corner. She would just try to nitpick anything. I wound up wanting my partner with me and when I went back to work (I’m main breadwinner) I handed over to my partner to see her. He saw her for a check then she would make up more random appointments for no rhyme or reason. She would put appointment letters through door of times that didn’t suit. She would come over to me when she spotted me in clinic and harrass me even though we were up to date on appointments and I had told her I was seeing a counsellor in regards to anything regarding me, myself and i. I actually was off work and kept dog upstairs for baby’s 9 month check. Just didn’t want to see her anymore as she was causing me anxiety. She stayed 45 mins. She spotted me in clinic one day and claimed she didn’t get finishing check and only weighed him as baby was distressed. Little did she know I was upstairs and timed how long she was there. She is lying now. She’s trying to get this 9 month check when he is near 12 months. Must be money, a payrise. I don’t know. I feel so afraid social services may get involved due to her writing I missed appointments on my notes even though I didn’t. She kept making them against will or reason. I’m afraid to stand up to her or her team. I just feel powerless. She’s made me so stressed and worried. I can’t cope anymore. I need advice please. I have a fear of talking on phones also which has made this 10x worse. I don’t want another health visitor. I just want her gone and them gone now. If I have any concerns I want to take my son to the GP or one at clinic if anything.
Stephanie says
I’m really glad to have read your experience, thank you.
I had a horrible experience with our health visitor when my son was born 16 months ago. The first time she visited (day 10, I believe) my son was 2oz off his birth weight. 2 OUNCES. Shocker – he’s exclusively breast fed. Breast fed babies gain weight differently to formula fed babies, but the charts don’t reflect this. Anyway, the HV goes on to tell me she’s ‘concerned’, and I should give my son formula. He was a very decent sized baby, 7lb 9oz, and in my mind there was no need for her to try to turn me to formula. According to her though, it would ‘fatten him up’, and give my husband a chance to bond with him through bottle feeding.
After many, many tears, my husband and I decided to ignore her advice. To this day, our son has never had a drop of formula and guess what, he’s super healthy and in the 75th percentile.
I’m so glad I ignored her. She caused me so much distress and I wish I’d never let her through the door. I am now pregnant again and have decided to refuse HV visits for this baby. I know what I’m doing, if I need help or have any worries of course I will ask the relevant bodies. But I refuse to be lectured by someone who is not as informed about feeding my child as I am.
I like your idea about writing to the GP and health visitor service telling them you will not require any contact from a HV. I will be sure to do this. Thank you again for sharing your experience.
Michelle says
I’m so sad you had this experience, I am a health visitor and I’d never want anyone to feel pestered or harassed, as for clinic you don’t have to get your baby weighed at all if you don’t want to and I actively discouraged it as I think it causes too much stress and pressure on mums. I always tell mums to look at their baby not the numbers and that will tell you they are doing fine. We aren’t all bad
Lindsay says
Every HV I have had refused to look at the baby save for weighing even though I tried to point out things to bring it to their attention. I was questioned as to whether my husband was abusing me – in front of him – not sure how they expected me to respond. They were dismissive when I said I was returning to work and my husband the father would be the main carer. I was BF and could express no issues but the HV was only concern that I hadn’t filled it in the red book – which no one looks at save for jotting down vac. I refuse to have them back. They have been rude, dismissive and when I needed them once I left a voicemail as required and got one back telling me to contact the HV direct and not to leave a voicemail. So that’s what my taxes pay for – waste of space
Maz says
I had my son in 2006 and I had terrible experience with hv. She was a mean older lady who would mock me and my legitimate concerns on each visit. My son had bad reflux and was vomiting after every feed and she wouldn’t believe me. She laughed at me when I suggested that perhaps he was eating too fast and was swallowing too much air, as if I believed that air was coming out with my milk. She patronised me at every opportunity: commented on my breastfeeding technique and made me take my boob out and show her how I get my son to latch on (she actually grabbed by nipple to demonstrate how to do it properly!); made comments about me not talking to my baby in front of her (I’m on autistic spectrum and really introverted); commented on the mess in my house; watched me like a hawk whilst taking notes; she dismissed my concerns about me having a fever (she said it was absolutely normal after giving birth) and wouldn’t check my stitches – I ended up with infection, was unable to pee for over 24 hours and was close to kidney failure and needed to take 2 different antibiotics (after I refused to go to hospital). I could tell she didn’t like me and thought that I was stupid because I’m from Eastern Europe and my command of English wasn’t the best then. I never needed a translator yet she was talking to me super loud and slow. It was a truly humiliating experience that made me feel worthless and surely contributed to my postnatal depression. I’m currently pregnant with my second child and I won’t allow another vulture in my house or to take anymore of their advice on breastfeeding. I hated breastfeeding, every moment of it, so I’ll probably bottle-feed my baby this time round and fed is best.
Via says
The fact that health visitor services are not compulsory is very poorly publicised, if new parents were aware it is an opt in service, and there were no consequences for opting out I wonder how many health visitors would still be in a job.
They have an increasing power in a surveillance capacity, to flag early issues to other organisations, but does surveillance sit well with support?
My experiences were not great, and in the first year we were trying to do things ‘by the book’ and work with health visitors. I too found 2 out of 3 that I met bullying, condescensing and not that knowlegable.
When my children began school a parent who had a child who was a bully, had a sense of entitlement and was protected by his parents from his bad behaviour, this parent was so arrogant and dishonest when I tried to approach her about the harm her son was doing to mine, and guess what she is a health visitor! And wow does she like to throw her weight around. So it was confirmed to me independently that some in this professsion are a character type that encompasses the stereotypes we hear about all the time. This woman is awful, I pity her children and anyone who has to deal with her narcissism, especially at that vulnerable hormonal post birth state.
Majority of parents would rather let them in and get it over with that risk being flagged as uncooperative and have to deal with social services. GPs, other mothers, families and friends, a plethora of books and web based data. Do we need these people? Are they adding value to the system? Are they flagging issues that no one else could?
It is very umportant people can opt out without consequence.